another moral hangover. fuck.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
