you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize