If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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