Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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