My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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