Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
