If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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