When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
