This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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