one word: firstdatebathroomanal
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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