youre lurking in front of me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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