I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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