you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
