"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
