Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
