it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
