Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize