I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
