Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My ass is underappreciated
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
