would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
