You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
