Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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