She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize