She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
