I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
sarcasm needs its own font
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
