Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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