The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
