OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
