The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize