I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize