He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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