I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Life is so much better after having sex.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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