smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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