I didn't shave. On purpose
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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