Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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