Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He has the fingertips of a God
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