Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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