At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
