that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize