woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
