You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
