College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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