I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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