Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
