I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize