Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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