one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
