I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
