hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize