This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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