you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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