can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
