ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
