I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
