i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
