you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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