I want to have your abortion
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
