Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
