dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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