Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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