I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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