It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize