he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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