So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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