i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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