What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
