Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
