I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
