i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
