I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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