your parents love me but you hate me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
this will be a night to untag.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
