I forgot how hot balto sounded
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
