I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
