you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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