Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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