I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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