Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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