Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
In America we eat man semen.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
