fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize