I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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