Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
