ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
