Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
