So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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