hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
