Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
