Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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