Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
