I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
