Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
