Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
