Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
