So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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