thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
