i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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