Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
