This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
North Korea, Best Korea!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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