My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
