i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
