His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
