you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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