it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
