I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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