I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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