Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize