there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
