I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
