A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
