check it out our google latitudes are spooning
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
